Finding William … questions unanswered.

So here’s some tea,

People who have impacted your life never truly leave you. My grandfather was that person, Mr William C. Lockhart also known as Papa Billy. I may not have him here with me anymore but his memory always lingers. It’s been about 5 years since he has passed away but recently I’ve been having dreams about him. You know I always got to clarify with you before you continue reading. This isn’t a post of me breaking down and interrupting the dream because to be honest there was nothing shock worthy about it. He sat across from me at his kitchen table wearing his favourite turquoise t shirt with a grin on his face while we shared some wafers cookies. I don’t recall what we talked about or for how long but it felt good; it felt like home. I can’t put into words how nice it was to hear his voice and his sarcastic humour. Oh how I miss it so much…. It was the best dream and one of the most incredible sleeps I have had in a while.

For the past few days all I could think about was how I knew so much about him but nothing at the same time. I knew his likes and dislikes, funny army stories and that fact his sister sent him a birthday card every year which somehow always pissed him off. He was a man that was content with solitude, so when my brothers and I came along we brought a little chaos to his life. We worn him down and eventually he couldn’t get enough of us. Not to mention he was the smartest man I knew and he didn’t even finish school. Its crazy how the older generation had this wisdom and knowledge about them.. probably because they actually lived, read books and newspapers instead of being consumed by technology.

I got a bit side tracked there but I could list the things I knew about him but there are so many questions I wish I asked….

How did your first wife Gloria die? What was she like?

Why did you hate your father so much?

Where did the distinct ring come from?

Were you a Freemason? What does that even mean?

When did your parents come over from Scotland?

What made your goulash taste so good?

Why didn’t you have any kids? (my mom is his step kid second marriage)

Tell me about your childhood!

All the things I wish I knew…

I searched and searched to maybe find something I never knew before. It’s not as easy researching about a man born in 1925.

Have you ever felt that way? Not getting the chance to find more about a loved one before it was too late.

My mom and I are working on her childhood stories, therefore when Olessia and any other future grandchildren are older they will never have to wonder the answers to their questions.

The searching and wondering about him doesn’t take away from my memory of him. I will always remember his sweet way of kicking us out his house. He would sing ‘Hit the road Jack’ by Ray Charles, which always made us laugh but it was his way of telling us to get lost.

He was a special kind of something. As you can tell I like to write, so I actually started a bunch of little kiddie stories mainly for my daughter and my future nieces and nephews so they can hear stories of our Papa Billy…. it’s a great way to keep his memory alive. I still have unanswered questions but I guess that’s life.

Have you ever had questions about a loved one? Did you go looking? I’d love to know.


Published by Teawithteeks

Walking through motherhood with no filter

3 thoughts on “Finding William … questions unanswered.

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